I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
