Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Randomize
