I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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