This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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