He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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