Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
