jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize