i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
