then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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