I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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