It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
