New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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