google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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