My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It was confusing and full of hummus
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
