Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I understand Curling. That high.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
