it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
