i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
