He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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