Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
