I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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