Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
