even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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