I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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