I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
