me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It was confusing and full of hummus
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize