Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
