and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You ate ashes out of my bong
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
