You're completely useless in the revolution.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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