I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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