haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
