Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
