I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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