so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
True college students do jello shots in the library
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