She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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