Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i came on her dog
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
