You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
