Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize