she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
