He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
wow bdsm is so cute
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