Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
