Hippo gnu deer
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
