I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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