just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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