I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
