dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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