I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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