no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
