I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Congratulations! We have a period
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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