my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
