I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize