I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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