how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
