did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the condom got lost in my hair
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
