His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
