God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You are a genius and a whore.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
