sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize