i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
