In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
