Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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