Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
