I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
