So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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