margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
