ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
