covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
