I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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