I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
