so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
