Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
