Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
