I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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