Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
