I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
