Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
