you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
