I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
