You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
