Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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