he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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