i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Found your dick twin last night
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
