Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
