awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's blow job season.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
