so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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