I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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