I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
