Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
