Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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