I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
