so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
