she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize