so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
