If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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