I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
