there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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