My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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