Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
