Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
