Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
