Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
