I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
