i need an iv and a liver transplant
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
