Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize