fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you would pick up someone in the library
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
