just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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