so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
