I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
