Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
